Freaky Love

By: Jeremy Ridnor


It was in the middle of July when the Finster Family went to the Sun Valley Fair. Jerry and Diana Finster’s four hyperactive boys begged to go the Fair. Since Jerry and Diana were easily manipulated, they caved in to their four belligerent boys’ demands.


The Finster family was a very peculiar looking family. Jerry was very handsome, tan, and strong. Diana was ravishing; she had perfect curves, and smooth clear skin. However, their four boys had not been so fortunate to get as good of genes as their parents did. Their gene pool was more like a gene swamp that had been polluted with toxic waste. The oldest son Burton Finster was rather rotund and short. The second oldest son Martin Finster was even more chunky, and had face full of pimples. The second youngest son Timothy Finster was like a walking skeleton very thin, but very tall. Lastly, the youngest son Nigel Finster was very tiny and weak. All of the boys were extremely pale and had greasy brown hair except for Nigel Finster who had curly red hair.


“Did everyone remember to put on their sunscreen, I don’t want anyone of you getting burned like last time,” nagged the Diana.


“Yes,” said the boys in unison.


“Now I want you boys to be safe and to stick together no matter what. We will meet at the big Farris Wheel at around five. Alright then, let’s have some fun.”


Right away, the Finster family started exploring. Jerry and Diana went off to go play some cheap games. Burton and Martin stuffed their faces with hotdogs, snow cones, and cotton candy. Timothy went on the bumper cars as well as the haunted house ride. Nigel however did not get along with his other brothers, and he was forced to go off on his own, even though his mother specifically said to not split apart. Nigel sat down on a filthy benched and put his head in his lap. He then heard a loud voice, coming from a short man with a black top hat on.


“Step right up, and see creatures that are not of this world, so freaky, so bizarre you won’t believe your eyes. These animals will make your stomachs turn, and you can see these freaks of nature for not twenty dollars, not ten dollars, not even five dollars, but for a mere sum of two dollars and fifty cents. Come see Frog Man he is half man half frog, or come see the fattest man in the world weighing over half a ton. Do you dare see Lucy and Betty the Siamese twins, or even the hideous bearded lady? Come gaze upon the Lord’s rejects if you think you handle it.”


The man’s speech intrigued Nigel, so with that he walked towards the ticket booth and pulled out exactly two dollars and fifty cents. There was an old lady smoking a cigarette, but the smell of smoke was imperceptible compared to her bug spray like perfume.


“Here’s your ticket, enjoy the show kid,” said ticket lady as she puffed a huge cloud of smoke towards Nigel’s face.


Nigel walked through the red and white tent in a tortoise like pace. He gazed ahead with his big green eyes anticipating to see the “the Lord’s rejects.” His fists clenched together so tightly that not even a pair of pliers could open them. Nigel had mixed feelings about seeing this freak show, he felt excited but at the same time frightened. He was frightened to see these savage monsters whom were not even human anymore, but freaks of nature. Nigel’s legs felt like jello, but yet he wobbled on until he made it to the first freak.


First up was Frog Man, he had two moon shaped eyes that were far apart from each other. He also had a long and thin mouth, but what was most disturbing was that he had bumpy green skin. The Frog Man was even squatting down in a froglike position on an enormous green lily pad. Nigel thought the only thing he was missing was a long and sticky tongue in order to catch flies. He felt bad to see a man being demoralized like he was, but yet he continued on down to the next freak.


The next freak was the fattest man in the world. When first laying eyes on this repugnant man he literally gasped. Nigel felt very cumbersome as he stood only a mere five feet away from the fattest man in the world. The Fat Man was lying down on a very flat bed while he scarfed down a stack of barbeque ribs. His plump face was smeared with barbeque sauce and drool. His stomach was so swollen to the point where it might explode. In addition, his belly button was enormous, and it was so big you could even go spelunking in it. He had no clothes on except for a large adult diaper, size one hundred and thirty four. He wheezed with every breath he took. Nigel’s eyes began to weld up with tears. He felt so much empathy for this poor man, but yet he continued down on to the next freak.


As Nigel trudged on, he started to have second thought about actually paying to see people being humiliated and reticulated. He soon found himself face to face with two faces. Nigel had a double take when he saw Lucy and Betty the Siamese twins. Their heads were attached together, which meant their heads would always be tilted. Besides having their heads attached to each other, Lucy and Betty were not that abnormal. It must have been a hard life for them, always having to do things together never alone, even something as simple as going to the bathroom. Nigel heart was broken, but yet he moved on to the next freak.


Nigel just wanted to get this whole thing over with, so he quickly made it to last the freak, which was the bearded lady. She had long golden hair that ran down like silk from her scalp, but she also had the same long golden hair that ran down her chin. She was quite young perhaps fifteen or sixteen, and she had a great figure. Between her golden locks, you could see her pearly red lips, and just bellow her unibrow you could see her marble colored eyes that shimmered in the light. She gave Nigel a coy look, and he started to blush. He floated outside and his stomach felt weird, not weird like when he first saw the Fat Man, but weird like as if there were butterflies in his stomach.


Nigel looked at his clock, it was already 2:30 PM, and he had to go in less then three hours in order to meet his parents for dinner. He wanted to see the bearded lady again; he had to know who she was. He tried looking in his pocket, but to his surprise, he only found two dollars. Only fifty cents was standing in his way between him and his new love. Nigel was desperate to get his fifty cents, even if he had to steal it he would.


Nigel searched for hours, but came up with no dough. Nigel leaned up against some concrete wall feeling very depressed. As Nigel leaned against a wall feeling sorry for himself a random person in the distance named Kenneth was about to ride the Sledgehammer, which in a nutshell was a two hundred foot drop.


“Hey Kenneth you scared?”


“No of course I’m not. Why are you scared Jim?


“No I’ve gone on rides ten times bigger then this one. This should be a piece of cake for me.”


“Hey I got an idea.”




“I remember hearing something that if you let go of a coin just before you drop that it will float. We should do that.”


“You’re crazy that would never work; it would just be waste of money.”


“Oh come on it’s gonna be sick.”


“Fine whatever you say.”


Kenneth and Jim got on the sledgehammer, both feeling pretty nervous, but to proud to admit it. They both had their quarters ready.


“Alright Jim we are almost at the top, don’t forget to let go of the quarter right before we drop.”




The ride reached its peak and both boys were freaking out, then they looked down simultaneously and started to yell. They began to drop, but instead of throwing it up they both throw it out making it go off somewhere in the distance.


Somewhere off in the distance the two quarters landed. That somewhere was right next to Nigel’s feet. He looked up and scratched his head, and wondered where these random quarters came from. He then picked it up and did not question this gift from the heavens. He frolicked to his sweetheart’s domain. He approached the smoking old lady with the bug spray perfume and handed her his money.


“Hey weren’t you just here like a couple of hours ago?”


“No I don’t think so I think you got me confused with someone else.”


“Whatever here’s your ticket enjoy the show kid.”


Nigel skipped passed the Frog Man, the Fat Man, and Lucy and Betty until he got to the bearded lady. He then realized he did not know what to say to her. He then stopped in his tracks and started to think what to say to her.


“Hi my name is Nigel and I think your beautiful… no that would never work. Hi my name is Nigel, would you go out with me? No that is too direct. Oh man I don’t have any idea what I should say to her.”


“Hey kid who you talking too?” said one of the Siamese twins.


“Oh no one, well I guess myself.”


“Hey did I hear you talking about how you thought the bearded lady was beautiful?”


“Well… um yeah.”


“Oh, well isn’t that cute,” said the other Siamese twin.


“Hey could I have some advice?”


“Sure hun, what is it?”


“Well I kind of have these feelings for her, but I don’t know what to say.”


“Well that easy just say hello, how are you? Then introduce your self and take it from there.”


“You really think that would work.”


“Who knows, you might as well try.”


“Thanks, thanks a lot.”


Nigel continued on his quest and then he finally was in front of the radiant bearded lady. He began to choke, and all he did was stare at her. She was use to people staring at her so it did not faze her.


“Hello, how are you?”


“How am I, well I’m okay how about your self?”


“Fine, just fine and dandy.”


“Well that is good to hear.”


“Hey my name is Nigel,” he said as he stuck his arm out in order to shake hands.


“My name is Juliet, it is nice to meet you Nigel,” she said as she shook his hand.


Nigel felt like he was floating on a cloud, and then all of a sudden he looked down at his watch and saw that it was 4:52, meaning he had to leave.


“I’m sorry I would love to stay, but I have to go.”


“See you later Nigel.”


He started sprinting towards the Ferris Wheel, in order to meet up with his parents and brothers.


“She knows my name, she knows my name.”


During dinner, his parents chastised Nigel’s brothers for leaving him behind, but he did not mind because he lucky enough to have met Juliet. Nigel barley touched his Turkey Leg and Fries, instead he wrote a poem on a napkin about Juliet.

“Well today was a great day, I’m glad we got to go to the Fair before it closes tomorrow,” said Nigel’s dad.


Nigel eyes widen realizing that the Fair was only temporary, and that he might not see Juliet until next year when the Fair came back. He could not wait a year before seeing her again. Nigel stopped listening to his brain, and started to listen to his heart, and his heart told him to go after her. He then ran off without saying anything to his family. He could feel the cool wind blow against his face as he sprinted as fast as he could towards Juliet. He finally made it to the Freak Show, but realized he did not have any money. He was determined to see Juliet, so he ran pass the ticket lady, the Frog Man, the Fat Man, and Lucy and Betty. He stopped in front of Juliet, and pulled out his napkin poem.

“Juliet, I know we just met, but I think I like you and I wrote you a poem for you in order to show how I feel about you. Okay here it goes. My Rapunzel, oh my Rapunzel how beautiful you are. You are locked away in a tower and I cannot reach you. I want to save you, but there is no way. Perhaps you shall let down your hair, your long golden hair that extrudes from your chin. I will climb your hair in order to reach you and save you. Then we could live together in peace and happiness.”


“Wow that is so sweet Nigel I…”


“Hey kid, come over here. You didn’t pay the two fifty,” said the ticket lady.


“Nigel you better leave, before Margaret catches you.”


“No I won’t leave you, I will never leave you.”


“Come here you good for nothing kid.”


Even though Margaret was old, she happened to be fairly strong. She tackled Nigel down to the ground. Nigel tried to squirm his way out of her death grip. He finally managed to squeeze his way out, but in the process, he lost his pants.


“Oh my goodness, what is that? Hey you stay right there I want to show the boss.”


In no time, Margaret came back with that little guy with the black top hat on.


“You won’t believe this Joe; take a look at Tail Boy.”


“Wow we could make a fortune of this kid. What do you say kid you could work for me on a pretty fair salary, get your food paid for, and see the world?”


“Would I get to see Juliet?”


“Of course you would, so do we have a deal?”


“Sure do?”


Nigel left his biological family and joined the group of freaks or as he refers to them as his freak family. He is now the main attraction and is receiving more attention then he ever did before. Nigel and Juliet eventually were married and lived happily and strangely ever after.